The Weeper

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The Weeper

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Sat Jul 03, 2010 5:54 pm

First Chapter: The Best of Us
(Narrated by: Payne)

The Universe... the current one anyway, was created by a single thought. The thought had come from the one who we call "Brother Sol". He was the last intelligent life form in his universe, and he was about to be wiped out, along with all sentient beings and life in the universe of then. The Shockwave from what his people called "the Big Bang" was headed rapidly for his home of Second Earth. All of his species had already been obliterated on the planet named Terra, their home after First Earth, by the Shockwave. He was the sole escapee of that tragedy and it was still coming for him. His ship had already run out of fuel and hyperspace fluid. He looked up at the heavens and, though he did not have a telescope, could see the Desrtoyer of Worlds start to rain down from the heavens above like a shower golden fire, tearing through the atmosphere to reach him and finally erase that which it's maker had created; life. Brother Sol contemplated his demise with pure wonderment. He felt elated that his long and arduous life of running had finally come to an end, and so beautiful an end too! But, as there always had been, doubt lingered in his thoughts. Even as his life was hard, it was still familiar to him. Death loomed and, although beautiful, still carried fear with it. Death was unknown to him, the last sentience in the universe, and harbored terrifying thoughts for him. What if there are such things as Hell? Will I go there? Am I to be punished for my sins? Even after everything that I have been through? These thoughts danced in his mind, weaving doubt and growing fear in his already fragile heart. Gone were the thoughts of his beautiful death, replaced with the image of torture everlasting, of the fiery pits of a demon's domain. He was on the ground before he knew it, weeping and calling for a second chance, even as death itself rained down around him. He looked into the golden rain and said "I want to live."


His last sentence, his last thought, the last thought in the universe was what created the current universe. After the Destroyer had cleared the universe of life it left a vast space, devoid even of matter and anti-matter.
The Destroyer then vanished, having spread itself out so thin that it was simply no more. The result was blackness absolute. Nothing filled the void, and nothing was out there to come and fill the void. There was simply nothing left. And yet, in the nothing, a conscious thought persisted, the tiniest whisper of the last thought in the universe. And, as impossible as it may seem, a body started to take shape out of the thought. A body that was not matter or anti-matter, but pure thought. This body was me. My conscious mind was the first in the new universe, and the last made of pure thought form. Out of Brother Sol's concept of life I began to grow, rapidly maturing until I was a fully grown male humanoid. A few seconds later, my consciousness erupted into life, and so did my bodily functions or rather the bodily functions of a human. All I could see was blackness and I was instantly terrified. After a few days though, I got over my instincts and started thinking rationally. I had access to all the knowledge Brother Sol, or the old man as I called him, had in his centuries old mind. I realized that whatever I thought about would come to be, so I thought of the first thing that came to mind: french fries.
Instantly, I had a pack of greasy sticks of fried potato in my hand, wrapped in brown paper. Made of matter! I was so hungry that I tried to gobble up the entire pack, paper and all, but had forgotten that my body wasn't made of matter. The french fries slipped down through my hand when I tried to propel them to my mouth. They froze instantly in the vacuum of space. I then thought of having a body made of matter but with a space suit so I wouldn't freeze up like the french fries. My thoughts instantly became reality. But that still posed the question of my floating in space. The old man's memories told me that he had made his home on what he called a planet; an oblate spheroid that was covered with water and land on the surface, or crust, and had a mantle and a molten core. I thought of lush green meadows and dry deserts, of tropical forests and vast cities of steel and glass, of rivers that flowed and the oceans they flowed in to, the creatures that inhabited these paradises, the infinitesimally big to the minuscule, all in the way that they had been previously created. All, that is, except for the species of man. I remembered, or rather the old man remembered, their flaws and their quest for power that had destroyed their own home planet. I would have to think about bringing them to this universe, but that could wait until later. The new planet beckoned to me, and all the thinking had made me sleepy. The question of man could come when I was rested, bathed and full of french fries.

This is for the better of everyone who hasn't seen this yet. Comments, Suggestions and Violent Reactions are always appreciated! afro
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Re: The Weeper

Post  red_otaku21 on Sat Jul 03, 2010 9:11 pm

you moved it... THERE IS FINALLY A CREATIVE WRITING SECTION!!!
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Re: The Weeper

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Sat Jul 03, 2010 10:02 pm

red_otaku21 wrote:you moved it... THERE IS FINALLY A CREATIVE WRITING SECTION!!!

Yes there finally is(thanks to me) a creative writing section. Please feel free to write anything down (mind you it has to be at least SOME parts original).
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Re: The Weeper

Post  red_otaku21 on Sat Jul 03, 2010 11:03 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:
red_otaku21 wrote:you moved it... THERE IS FINALLY A CREATIVE WRITING SECTION!!!

Yes there finally is(thanks to me) a creative writing section. Please feel free to write anything down (mind you it has to be at least SOME parts original).

epic.... so awesome
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Re: The Weeper

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Wed Jul 07, 2010 5:10 pm

Paragraph 3 of Chapter one.
(Payne)






When I got down to the planet, I immediately thought of french fries, and they once again appeared in my outstretched hand. This time though, I was prepared. Once I had finished my meal of delicious fast food, I started to explore my surroundings. It appeared that I had landed in a city full of towering buildings, engulfed in the darkness of night. Oh wait, it wasn't night! I had simply neglected to make a source of light. What had Brother Sol called it again? The Sun? If memory served the sun was a disaster waiting to happen, either devolving into a black hole or going supernova, effectively destroying the entire solar system around it. Needless to say I did not want that to happen to my creations so I made another light source, combining my predecessor's knowledge of the sun and some creature called a firefly and it instantly appeared in the sky, a giant insect as brightly lit as the sun. It provided warmth and took away the threat of disaster, swirling as it did on it's gigantic wings up there in space. It would also create the illusion of night and day by slowly flying around the planet in the span of twenty-four hours. Regardless of it's purpose, it was beautiful. The wings seemed a bit drab though, and so I switched them with those of the tranquil butterflies and it instantly came to pass. As I was thinking about the heavens above me, I realized that I was still missing the moon. I thought about it and decided that the moon could be a turtle, swimming through space reflecting the light of the sun with it's shell. It was a magnificent creature, almost as big as the sun, whose deep brown eyes contemplated the world below with the sentience of a human being. As I stared into it's eyes, I gave it the power to control the tides, just like the regular moon. And as it made the gentle dip into the horizon the sun rose behind me, flapping majestically with it's radiant wings, and I sat down and watched the great being fly. I could barely believe that I could have thought up such a creature, but now that I had, I wanted more much more.


Please comment on this. Any criticism is appreciated.
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Re: The Weeper

Post  red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 5:13 pm

what are you even trying to write a bout again.... all i know is that i'm getting hungry everytime you metion french fries.
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Re: The Weeper

Post  Jmike on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:07 pm

Too intricate detail. Settle for simple descriptions and deem it done. Too much of what "I think", too much of "I feel" in there too. It's imba like that. Imba. Oh, the sci-fi theme appeases a geek like me.
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Re: The Weeper

Post  red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:14 pm

Jmike wrote:Too intricate detail. Settle for simple descriptions and deem it done. Too much of what "I think", too much of "I feel" in there too. It's imba like that. Imba. Oh, the sci-fi theme appeases a geek like me.

You justlove to criticize... (note: sarcasm)
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Re: The Weeper

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:30 pm

Thanks guys
I always seem to get too caught up in the main character. Maybe that's why no one wants to publish...
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Re: The Weeper

Post  red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:33 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Thanks guys
I always seem to get too caught up in the main character. Maybe that's why no one wants to publish...

no, actually. its because they haven't notice the section yet...
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