Alice of a Dark Wonderland

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Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:37 pm

This idea has been stuck in my head since the movie came out.

SUMMARY:


Alice, that was my mother's childhood dream. She has always dreamed of being her. I lived as her dream happily, until she decided to take her life. I loved her enough to let her become insane in her own little world. As the years past by, I wanted to escape the lonely prison that was created for me. The only problem was, Wonderland kept dragging me back... I was hopeless.

...

Please tell me ways to improve. I'm still thinking at how to start the story since I'm hopeless with intros. The story is going to be 3rd person POV. Just tell me what you think.

...

i changed the title from alice of a black wonderland


Last edited by red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Jmike on Wed Jul 07, 2010 3:28 pm

Title's racist. Dark is better than black.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:11 pm

I think the topic is a little... over used. I mean, I've heard of a lot of people who've expanded upon the Alice in Wonderland topic (the movie is a testament to that).
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:29 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:I think the topic is a little... over used. I mean, I've heard of a lot of people who've expanded upon the Alice in Wonderland topic (the movie is a testament to that).

that's the whole point. i like the story.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:30 pm

Jmike wrote:Title's racist. Dark is better than black.

yea... its seems better. tnx.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Jmike on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:04 pm

Oh, BTW. Criticisms?

Too much thought, less heart. I keep telling you guys that. What they feel is important too in a 1POV.
The intro was too vague. As Anton said, too many fanfictions expanded on Alice, making twists to the concept, yet, only a few can be deemed awesome for execution.

Execution. Yes. Too short. It looks like as if you sat down typed as you go and submit. Though fiction is "make it up as you go", it doesn't make you awesome anymore in doing it like that.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:08 pm

Jmike wrote:Oh, BTW. Criticisms?

Too much thought, less heart. I keep telling you guys that. What they feel is important too in a 1POV.
The intro was too vague. As Anton said, too many fanfictions expanded on Alice, making twists to the concept, yet, only a few can be deemed awesome for execution.

Execution. Yes. Too short. It looks like as if you sat down typed as you go and submit. Though fiction is "make it up as you go", it doesn't make you awesome anymore in doing it like that.

i'm not that good on 1st person... i'll just try again.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:30 pm

Summary version2:

There was a dream my mother always had, it was to become Alice. That was the time I was gullible enough to follow what everyone says, no matter how much I hated it. My mother committed suicide when I turned ten years old. Her dream made both of us insane. It felt like a living hell, living alone. I tried to create my own world, to soothe my aches. Now, Wonderland kept dragging me back into him.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:33 pm

Question: Why is Wonderland a "him"?
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:34 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Question: Why is Wonderland a "him"?

i don't know actually. my brain is messed up.

out of topic but: when do we pass the folder for filipino?
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:36 pm

Friday becuz tomorrow we don't have filipino.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:48 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Friday becuz tomorrow we don't have filipino.

awesome... ty.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Jmike on Sat Jul 10, 2010 8:51 pm

Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Sat Jul 10, 2010 8:58 pm

Jmike wrote:Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.

You should try to stick to this one longer and really think about the plot of your story. The Weeper has been in my head for at least a few years, after I read about the hierarchy of angels. Brainstorm on what you want to do with the story and make an outline. (At least, that's what I do when writing a book). Oh and maybe do a little research on the Alice in Wonderland stories that didn't do to well. Learn from other's mistakes.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Sat Jul 10, 2010 10:09 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:
Jmike wrote:Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.

You should try to stick to this one longer and really think about the plot of your story. The Weeper has been in my head for at least a few years, after I read about the hierarchy of angels. Brainstorm on what you want to do with the story and make an outline. (At least, that's what I do when writing a book). Oh and maybe do a little research on the Alice in Wonderland stories that didn't do to well. Learn from other's mistakes.

tnx for the advice... i did try doing that but school is trying to murder me. i've been thinking about the story since the trailer of alice in wonderland but the plot got lost in my unorganized brain.

btw: what does hierarchy of angels mean?
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Sat Jul 10, 2010 10:40 pm

red_otaku21 wrote:
Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:
Jmike wrote:Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.

You should try to stick to this one longer and really think about the plot of your story. The Weeper has been in my head for at least a few years, after I read about the hierarchy of angels. Brainstorm on what you want to do with the story and make an outline. (At least, that's what I do when writing a book). Oh and maybe do a little research on the Alice in Wonderland stories that didn't do to well. Learn from other's mistakes.

tnx for the advice... i did try doing that but school is trying to murder me. i've been thinking about the story since the trailer of alice in wonderland but the plot got lost in my unorganized brain.

btw: what does hierarchy of angels mean?

Hierarchy of angels: the different classes of angels according to the bible.

First Sphere:
1. Seraphim (caretakers of God's throne and continually shout praises of God)
2. Cherubim (they guard the Garden of Eden and they also guard God's Throne)
3. Ophanim/Thrones (they carry the throne of God and have a thousand eyes that can see all)

Second Sphere:
4. Dominions (they regulate the tasks of lower angels)
5. Virtues (they supervise the movement of heavenly bodies to maintain the order of the cosmos)
6. Powers/Authorities (they oversee the distribution of power over mankind)

Third Sphere:
7. Principalities/Rulers (they carry out orders from the Dominions and bless the material world)
8. Archangels (they are the second lowest class of angel and carry out the orders of Dominions)
9. Angels (lowest class of angel and most concerned with the affairs of living things)


*Archangels: for any of you who don't know, the arch-angels are not to be confused with THE ARCHANGELS. The archangels (arch meaning "above") are the class of angel above the lowest ranking (hence the name "archangel"). The Archangels on the other hand (uppercase A always) are the highest ranking angels. They are the Seven Highest Seraphim (Michael being the highest after Satan or Lucifer, as he was called back then, fell) who stand directly before the throne of God)


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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:23 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:
red_otaku21 wrote:
Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:
Jmike wrote:Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.

You should try to stick to this one longer and really think about the plot of your story. The Weeper has been in my head for at least a few years, after I read about the hierarchy of angels. Brainstorm on what you want to do with the story and make an outline. (At least, that's what I do when writing a book). Oh and maybe do a little research on the Alice in Wonderland stories that didn't do to well. Learn from other's mistakes.

tnx for the advice... i did try doing that but school is trying to murder me. i've been thinking about the story since the trailer of alice in wonderland but the plot got lost in my unorganized brain.

btw: what does hierarchy of angels mean?

Hierarchy of angels: the different classes of angels according to the bible.

First Sphere:
1. Seraphim (caretakers of God's throne and continually shout praises of God)
2. Cherubim (they guard the Garden of Eden and they also guard God's Throne)
3. Ophanim/Thrones (they carry the throne of God and have a thousand eyes that can see all)

Second Sphere:
4. Dominions (they regulate the tasks of lower angels)
5. Virtues (they supervise the movement of heavenly bodies to maintain the order of the cosmos)
6. Powers/Authorities (they oversee the distribution of power over mankind)

Third Sphere:
7. Principalities/Rulers (they carry out orders from the Dominions and bless the material world)
8. Archangels (they are the second lowest class of angel and carry out the orders of Dominions)
9. Angels (lowest class of angel and most concerned with the affairs of living things)


*Archangels: for any of you who don't know, the arch-angels are not to be confused with THE ARCHANGELS. The archangels (arch meaning "above") are the class of angel above the lowest ranking (hence the name "archangel"). The Archangels on the other hand (uppercase A always) are the highest ranking angels. They are the Seven Highest Seraphim (Michael being the highest after Satan or Lucifer, as he was called back then, fell) who stand directly before the throne of God)



who are the other 4 seraphim. there's lucifer, michael, gabriel, and i completely forgot the rest.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:39 pm

Well the 7 Archangels weren't necessarily the only Seraphim, but they were the HIGHEST.
And they were 7 after Satan fell.
1. Michael
2. Gabriel
3. Raphael
4. Uriel
and the rest I don't remember sorry...
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:46 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Well the 7 Archangels weren't necessarily the only Seraphim, but they were the HIGHEST.
And they were 7 after Satan fell.
1. Michael
2. Gabriel
3. Raphael
4. Uriel
and the rest I don't remember sorry...

that is epic. uhmm we went to angels from alice?
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:48 pm

Yeah sorry 'bout that. Just reading the bible a while ago so my head is pretty religious right now.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:52 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Yeah sorry 'bout that. Just reading the bible a while ago so my head is pretty religious right now.

YOUR RELIGOUS?
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  callmeoreo on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:53 pm

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Yeah sorry 'bout that. Just reading the bible a while ago so my head is pretty religious right now.

You read the bible again?
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:54 pm

No. I read religious scriptures with a critical eye. Basically I'm curious about religion, and that curiosity drives me to think religiously.
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  red_otaku21 on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:55 pm

callmeoreo wrote:
Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Yeah sorry 'bout that. Just reading the bible a while ago so my head is pretty religious right now.

You read the bible again?

i doubt it...
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Re: Alice of a Dark Wonderland

Post  Lord of TENACITY!!! on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:56 pm

I always read the bible when I have nothing else to read. In total I've read it about 5 times by now.
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