Alice of a Dark Wonderland

This idea has been stuck in my head since the movie came out.

SUMMARY:


Alice, that was my mother's childhood dream. She has always dreamed of being her. I lived as her dream happily, until she decided to take her life. I loved her enough to let her become insane in her own little world. As the years past by, I wanted to escape the lonely prison that was created for me. The only problem was, Wonderland kept dragging me back... I was hopeless.

...

Please tell me ways to improve. I'm still thinking at how to start the story since I'm hopeless with intros. The story is going to be 3rd person POV. Just tell me what you think.

...

i changed the title from alice of a black wonderland

Title's racist. Dark is better than black.

I think the topic is a little... over used. I mean, I've heard of a lot of people who've expanded upon the Alice in Wonderland topic (the movie is a testament to that).

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:I think the topic is a little... over used. I mean, I've heard of a lot of people who've expanded upon the Alice in Wonderland topic (the movie is a testament to that).

that's the whole point. i like the story.

Jmike wrote:Title's racist. Dark is better than black.

yea... its seems better. tnx.

Oh, BTW. Criticisms?

Too much thought, less heart. I keep telling you guys that. What they feel is important too in a 1POV.
The intro was too vague. As Anton said, too many fanfictions expanded on Alice, making twists to the concept, yet, only a few can be deemed awesome for execution.

Execution. Yes. Too short. It looks like as if you sat down typed as you go and submit. Though fiction is "make it up as you go", it doesn't make you awesome anymore in doing it like that.

Jmike wrote:Oh, BTW. Criticisms?

Too much thought, less heart. I keep telling you guys that. What they feel is important too in a 1POV.
The intro was too vague. As Anton said, too many fanfictions expanded on Alice, making twists to the concept, yet, only a few can be deemed awesome for execution.

Execution. Yes. Too short. It looks like as if you sat down typed as you go and submit. Though fiction is "make it up as you go", it doesn't make you awesome anymore in doing it like that.

i'm not that good on 1st person... i'll just try again.

Summary version2:

There was a dream my mother always had, it was to become Alice. That was the time I was gullible enough to follow what everyone says, no matter how much I hated it. My mother committed suicide when I turned ten years old. Her dream made both of us insane. It felt like a living hell, living alone. I tried to create my own world, to soothe my aches. Now, Wonderland kept dragging me back into him.

Question: Why is Wonderland a "him"?

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Question: Why is Wonderland a "him"?

i don't know actually. my brain is messed up.

out of topic but: when do we pass the folder for filipino?

Friday becuz tomorrow we don't have filipino.

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Friday becuz tomorrow we don't have filipino.

awesome... ty.

Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.

Jmike wrote:Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.

You should try to stick to this one longer and really think about the plot of your story. The Weeper has been in my head for at least a few years, after I read about the hierarchy of angels. Brainstorm on what you want to do with the story and make an outline. (At least, that's what I do when writing a book). Oh and maybe do a little research on the Alice in Wonderland stories that didn't do to well. Learn from other's mistakes.

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:

Jmike wrote:Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.

You should try to stick to this one longer and really think about the plot of your story. The Weeper has been in my head for at least a few years, after I read about the hierarchy of angels. Brainstorm on what you want to do with the story and make an outline. (At least, that's what I do when writing a book). Oh and maybe do a little research on the Alice in Wonderland stories that didn't do to well. Learn from other's mistakes.

tnx for the advice... i did try doing that but school is trying to murder me. i've been thinking about the story since the trailer of alice in wonderland but the plot got lost in my unorganized brain.

btw: what does hierarchy of angels mean?

red_otaku21 wrote:

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:

Jmike wrote:Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.

You should try to stick to this one longer and really think about the plot of your story. The Weeper has been in my head for at least a few years, after I read about the hierarchy of angels. Brainstorm on what you want to do with the story and make an outline. (At least, that's what I do when writing a book). Oh and maybe do a little research on the Alice in Wonderland stories that didn't do to well. Learn from other's mistakes.

tnx for the advice... i did try doing that but school is trying to murder me. i've been thinking about the story since the trailer of alice in wonderland but the plot got lost in my unorganized brain.

btw: what does hierarchy of angels mean?

Hierarchy of angels: the different classes of angels according to the bible.

First Sphere:
1. Seraphim (caretakers of God's throne and continually shout praises of God)
2. Cherubim (they guard the Garden of Eden and they also guard God's Throne)
3. Ophanim/Thrones (they carry the throne of God and have a thousand eyes that can see all)

Second Sphere:
4. Dominions (they regulate the tasks of lower angels)
5. Virtues (they supervise the movement of heavenly bodies to maintain the order of the cosmos)
6. Powers/Authorities (they oversee the distribution of power over mankind)

Third Sphere:
7. Principalities/Rulers (they carry out orders from the Dominions and bless the material world)
8. Archangels (they are the second lowest class of angel and carry out the orders of Dominions)
9. Angels (lowest class of angel and most concerned with the affairs of living things)


*Archangels: for any of you who don't know, the arch-angels are not to be confused with THE ARCHANGELS. The archangels (arch meaning "above") are the class of angel above the lowest ranking (hence the name "archangel"). The Archangels on the other hand (uppercase A always) are the highest ranking angels. They are the Seven Highest Seraphim (Michael being the highest after Satan or Lucifer, as he was called back then, fell) who stand directly before the throne of God)

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:

red_otaku21 wrote:

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:

Jmike wrote:Part of the substance changed with the revision. Full review after the fifth chapter.

You should try to stick to this one longer and really think about the plot of your story. The Weeper has been in my head for at least a few years, after I read about the hierarchy of angels. Brainstorm on what you want to do with the story and make an outline. (At least, that's what I do when writing a book). Oh and maybe do a little research on the Alice in Wonderland stories that didn't do to well. Learn from other's mistakes.

tnx for the advice... i did try doing that but school is trying to murder me. i've been thinking about the story since the trailer of alice in wonderland but the plot got lost in my unorganized brain.

btw: what does hierarchy of angels mean?

Hierarchy of angels: the different classes of angels according to the bible.

First Sphere:
1. Seraphim (caretakers of God's throne and continually shout praises of God)
2. Cherubim (they guard the Garden of Eden and they also guard God's Throne)
3. Ophanim/Thrones (they carry the throne of God and have a thousand eyes that can see all)

Second Sphere:
4. Dominions (they regulate the tasks of lower angels)
5. Virtues (they supervise the movement of heavenly bodies to maintain the order of the cosmos)
6. Powers/Authorities (they oversee the distribution of power over mankind)

Third Sphere:
7. Principalities/Rulers (they carry out orders from the Dominions and bless the material world)
8. Archangels (they are the second lowest class of angel and carry out the orders of Dominions)
9. Angels (lowest class of angel and most concerned with the affairs of living things)


*Archangels: for any of you who don't know, the arch-angels are not to be confused with THE ARCHANGELS. The archangels (arch meaning "above") are the class of angel above the lowest ranking (hence the name "archangel"). The Archangels on the other hand (uppercase A always) are the highest ranking angels. They are the Seven Highest Seraphim (Michael being the highest after Satan or Lucifer, as he was called back then, fell) who stand directly before the throne of God)

who are the other 4 seraphim. there's lucifer, michael, gabriel, and i completely forgot the rest.

Well the 7 Archangels weren't necessarily the only Seraphim, but they were the HIGHEST.
And they were 7 after Satan fell.
1. Michael
2. Gabriel
3. Raphael
4. Uriel
and the rest I don't remember sorry...

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Well the 7 Archangels weren't necessarily the only Seraphim, but they were the HIGHEST.
And they were 7 after Satan fell.
1. Michael
2. Gabriel
3. Raphael
4. Uriel
and the rest I don't remember sorry...

that is epic. uhmm we went to angels from alice?

Yeah sorry 'bout that. Just reading the bible a while ago so my head is pretty religious right now.

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Yeah sorry 'bout that. Just reading the bible a while ago so my head is pretty religious right now.

YOUR RELIGOUS?

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Yeah sorry 'bout that. Just reading the bible a while ago so my head is pretty religious right now.

You read the bible again?

No. I read religious scriptures with a critical eye. Basically I'm curious about religion, and that curiosity drives me to think religiously.

callmeoreo wrote:

Lord of TENACITY!!! wrote:Yeah sorry 'bout that. Just reading the bible a while ago so my head is pretty religious right now.

You read the bible again?

i doubt it...

I always read the bible when I have nothing else to read. In total I've read it about 5 times by now.